the shrivel of the tongue, insistent puckering of the tastebuds, and running streams of water-saliva, the drops of acid giving pleasure to the tongue. its like pleasurable madness. There are some after-bile shocks, where convulsions confuse the body and put it in that state, the space between pleasure and pain. you take it, again and again, its like being ravaged, it's like dying, its like being born, but you do it, and you don't know why you do. Validity, self-confirmation. that we do exist. that we can feel.